Photo Blog: Hutong
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
Hutong means an old Chinese village. Beijing used to have a lot when I came to settle here three and a half years ago. But now, due to the Olympic brouhaha and the government’s desire to develop the capital into a world-class and international melting pot of cultures, a lot WERE tsai-ed (demolished) to pave the way for modernization. Tall buildings are a little farther from this area as the picture shows.
This photo is taken at the top of the Drum Tower in Guloudajie. This area, as my students say, is protected by UNESCO. I guess so. There are indeed a lot of hutongs around here but most residential courtyards are already renovated. There is still an air of ancientness where old people hang outside with their comrades. The narrow alleyways are the rendezvous of senior citizens who play chess, chat or just merely looking at the passersby– a lot are foreigners who are desperately searching for the good ‘ol Beijing!
Happy Earth Day!
Photo Blog: Condoms
Saturday, April 19th, 2008
I was surprised when my student came up to me and showed these stuff after the class. She said she bought it on the streets and thought it’s fun to carry these around. The pink one is designed as a key chain and she’s actually using it like that.
Pressing these condoms, I can tell that it’s not lubricated. Boy, it’s gonna be rough and would take a lotta work! :))
Worldwide Pillow Fight in Beijing: The Police Came
Sunday, March 30th, 2008March 22 was the Worldwide Pillow Fight and yes, Beijing was participating BUT it never happened because dozens of policemen came.
I was one of those few eager pillow fighters who arrived at the venue, The Place Shopping Mall, before 3:00 p.m. While getting off the taxi, a police car arrived and parked next to taxi. I already had a bad feeling about it but, still, I believe that China is now more open than it was before. I mean, it’s just a harmless pillow fight. Nothing more, nothing less.
As the number of expats grew, the number of uniformed men scattered in the area grew, too. And yes, police cars were also everywhere.
It was so strange. A young policemen who seemed agitated came up to me and asked what’s my proble. It was a really weird question for me who was just standing there holding my pillow. He asked me series of questions like how I did know about the event, what website, how many people are coming, what are we going to do, wha is pillow fight, yada, yada, yada, yada…..
They only told us that “the pillowfight is cancelled.” Reasons? They’re the only ones who knew. A policewoman said that the organizers should have gotten a permit to do such event because The Place Shopping Mall is a public place. But, when one of us asked her if we can do it in the park, she said MAYBE. So, the park is NOT a public place?
Reasons could be:
1.) Beijing is paranoid.
2.) They think it’s a political statement / event. They think this has something to do with Teebet or Taiwan–which is, of course, NOT SO TRUE!
3.) They want publicity or documentation that they are reallyyyyy doing their job. Two cops were videoing the event.
Shanghai did it in their People’s Square before and the cops were just there watching. But, of course, we understood why…
Then, the next day, this is the news in the newspaper. Yes, I AM here. They singled out our group out of many who were there.
A student translated this for me and I’m posting it verbatim. Correcting it might cause me a headache.
So, here it goes:
POLICE PERSUADE “THE PILLOWERS” TO LEAVE “PILLOW WAR” CAN’T BEGIN
“Pillows Wars” first landing Beijing plans were failed—Recently, a netizen called the “pillow Wars” posts in various popular websites. However, due to police intervention, “pillows war” has not started.
Yesterday, around 15:00,Nearly 10 police cars parked in the square in front of the shopping mall.Lots of police and security maintained order at the scene,and asked other people to leave.
These people see the “pillow Wars” on the Internet and go to there. However, in these web-sites, there is no mention of the organizers.
The citizen Miss Zhang said:she did not participate in the “pillows war” before,and didn’t understand this activity,but she feels this is very stimulating activities,She would also like to participate.
However, this activity ultimately did not start.A Police said : this large-scale activities must be approved by the government. They believe that, too many people caused the accidents easily. They are to consider the safety of the customers.
Although feel regret, but people are with the police, leaving the scene. We still feel: safety first, second game !
Yen White Party
Saturday, March 22nd, 2008March 21, 2008 is another red letter night for party animals in Beijing. It was more than a blast or a rave—it was purely hedonism and nastiness rolled into one. Yes, almost everybody was wasted and the blaring music was just unstoppable.
I’ve never see anyone who went there wearing other color but white. Well, my student came in blue shirt but told him to buy a white shirt at the counter for 50 rmb and he did. There were two of them who came and it was their first time to be in such party or a big party. Though they don’t really get the beauty of techno / electronic music but I saw them dancing crazily as if they’ve been released from some kind of cage. They should be—they saw me at my worst, nasty moves last night which they were, of course, shocked.
They were also shocked how everybody around them just easily danced with strangers. My group was dressed up seductive white lingerie costume complete with a hulahoop to entice everybody to come inside it and do their thing with them. It was and awesome idea to drag / hoop the guy you think is hot.
Me? I was just simply wearing jeans a white shirt with a FREE HUG print to join the International Couchsurfing Free Hug Day today. I intended to count my hugs last night but I lost count due to the influence of alcohol which I could not remember who bought those for me. I only bought three bottles of beer (which was not cheap) and the rest were just passed to me every now and then. I was sweating profusely and hugging strangers everytime I bumped into them and read my shirt. Everytime a man bigger and taller than me hug my fragile body, they always lift me up to my delight. There’s this one guy that everytime he saw me, he would always hug me. And I think, he’s one of those who passed me a glass of something.
The crowd was really wild. When I went there at 11:55 p.m. with my German friend, the dance floor was just half-empty. Then, all of the sudden, waves and dozens came and made the whole place like hell: hot, nasty, saucy and slutty.
I went home around 4:30 this morning. It’s a good thing that I still remembered how to get home. Hmmnnn…. I actually told the taxi driver to go back some 2 kms because we were already past my house. I fell asleep in the taxi. :DD
CCTV Tower and Olympic Stadium
Saturday, March 8th, 2008Last week, Sunday, right after I attended the Mass, a friend and I headed off to the CCTV Tower which is just opposite Kerry Hotel, where the Mass was celebrated.
CCTV Tower
This CCTV Tower is is considered as one of the most innovative forms of architecture. When the twin leaning towers were built, spectators and passersby thought it was a crazy thing to do such. But now that the twins have kissed and locked each other, the same people began to appreciate its beauty though still unfinished.
The Olympic Stadium
The Olympic’s main stadium which is touted as Bird’s Nest ((because it resembles a bird’s nest) is STILL unfinished. When we went there for pictorials, we were dissapointed that it still look like a war-torn village where it is off limits to everyone. It is surrounded by tall blue fence that olympic ogglers have to search an elevated area to pose and take pictures.
We walked around the verrrryyyyyy dusty area until we found an elevated section near the road-bridge on the west side of the nest. Though far from us, we could still get a glimpse of the inside area. Camera zoom here and there to get the picture perfect!
Judging from the outside view, the Bird’s Nest still has looooong days until it is finished. I have doubts that the main venue of the Games will be finished on time, but knowing how Chinese infrastructures done like magic, I guess, the International Olympic Commitee has nothing to worry about.
Brazilian Carnaval in Beijing
Sunday, February 24th, 2008Last night was another hot, steamy, sexy event of debauchery. Boys and girls of all colors came to celebrate the world-known Brazilian Carnaval in a real posh, luxurious venue, Block 8, which is notorious for expensive drinks and rich clienteles. But, last night, it was free entrance and so the social climbers flocked in the venue to have the taste of Rio de Janiero.
From the elevator on the first floor to the tunnel-like entrance on the third floor, and on to the dance floor, colorful garlands cut into bits and pieces were everywhere. Added to the festive mood is the hanging feather boas and masks that hedonists could take and use them for body props while enjoying the beat of Brazilian DJs who played, whate else, but Brazilian grooves to the fun and delight of the trying-hard samba dancers who cared less due to too much inebriation.
And me? I went there with a Dutch friend who describe herself as a terrible dancer, but after a glass of cosmopolitan, a glass of long island iced tea and my constant endearment, she finally started moving slowly and forgot her inhibitions. Then, later she got into a fight with a guy who…. i forgot the story. I was drunk, too.
And of course, when I’m drunk, I do crazy things. I climbed onto the top of the speakers’ box and did a really saucy, spicy samba moves to the amazement of the audience. When I came down, two guys asked me if I were Brazilian and I told them, I could pass for being one. They smiled and did some sexy moves with me for a while. But, they’re not my type. Most of my friends were fashionably late so they missed the show. My show. :))
When I went home, I stole the green and pink feather boas and a blue mask. I thought the security will hold me at the exit and take them even if I was still wearing them, but lucky me, they just ignored my fabuloushness. The last security guard I passed by just gave me a look of confusion and I gave him a wink.
He let me go.
Meowing with the CATS
Friday, January 25th, 2008I finally saw one of the world’s longest-running musical—CATS, last night. It was awesome. Though I and my friends were seated bit far from the stage (clue: not the cheapest) but the performance was simply fabulous and catty! And the costumes were a real invention and a copy cat from the creator’s mind.
The Australian cats mesmerized us with their good, quality performance and talented meowing. The stage was turned into a trashy kind of dungeon where street cats usually stay—away from dogs? The lighting effects were magical BUT the sound was pfffttttt… That’s the only drawback, really.
The Chinese audience laughed, stomped their feet and clapped their hands everytime they find something amusing which is most often. So, my concentration was disturbed. Though cameras were allowed but no flash, there were still stubborn nenderthals who broke the rules and care they don’t even if someone did scold them. Not cool.
And of course, the most applauded part was the when an old cat sang Memory. There was even a short part when the song was sang with an Australian twang. The audience loved hearing it in their own language. That was quiet and invention in the play.
Next artsy-fartsy stuff to see:
Othello - February 19 at China’s Architectural Pride–the Egg!
Celine’s Dion Concert - March 2008
Birthday Brouhaha
Monday, January 21st, 2008I’m glad that my birthday (January 20) is over!
I can’t stand celebrating it on it’s real day. But, belated or advance celebrations are fine with me. On the day itself, as much as possible, I try to be far from the madding crowd. So, nobody can ever reach me on this day. Gimme a break!
Friday Noon
As early as Friday, my Level 1 students gave me a surprise birthday party in the classroom. During lunch break, they came in one by one to my classroom. They brought a birthday cake, paper cups and saucers, plastic knives, forks, candles and a birthday hat!
I was touched and surprised.
Friday Evening
Ryan (a couchsurfing friend) and I decided to celebrate our birthdays together with a dinner on a Friday night so we could get wasted until the ungodly hours in the morning.
We had a sumptuous dinner buffet at Rio BBQ around Dongzhimen. An Argentinian lady sang Spanish songs live in the background brought a festive environment in the restaurant. There were ten people / couchsurfing friends of ours who graced us with their delightful presence to wish us all the best and other brouhahas… Leo, the guy from Argentina secretly asked how old I was so he could pull my ear _ _ (insert my age) times. It’s an old custom in Argentina and other Spanish countries, he said. It hurt, for all you know. 
But the center of attraction was the wearing of my fabulous wig! Each one of them was so cool to wear it without qualms.
After two hours of chatting, eating, teasing, telling stories and boozing, we finally paid the bill and headed off to Bar Nanjie, a bar whose slogan: Shut Up, Just Drink! always makes everyone who reads it smile. There, we continued the boozing. I got drunk here and I was all numb that I didn’t feel the pain when I banged my head accidentally on the wall. Funny and embarrassing.
When we were all drunk, we headed off to Salsa Carribbe. Then to Heat Club. Next, White Rabbit for its amazing Techno groove. And last was at Bar Blue.
We went home at 3:00 a.m.
Totally wasted.
That’s Beijing Magazine / January 2008 Issue / Page 18
Thursday, January 17th, 2008Ok, this is supposed to be blogged about long time ago but I’ve been busy meeting “people” either for fuck or chat or whatevs.
Grab your copy of That’s Beijing Magazine, a premier English magazine for expats in Beijing, January 2008 Issue and find me on page 18.
If you can’t find me, try to look at the magazine’s website and you can see me in Santa’s hat mischievously peeping from the Funky Throwdown Party Poster at Block 8 on December 8, 2007.
If you can’t see me, then, it’s all loud and clear—you’re jealous!
My First Ever Ski
Monday, January 7th, 2008I literally saw flying arms and legs on my very first ever ski experience at Fangshan Ski Resort, an hour and a half drive from Beijing. I went there with five of my craziest students who prodded me a lot just to join them. They were also first time skiers so I was confident I could do better than them. Hehehe.
Beginner’s Slope / Level 1
Honestly, it’s too easy. Piece of cake. Though I didn’t get a personal trainer, I figured it out on my own how balancing should be done. Here, in this level, I did try only twice, then, I moved up to Level 2.
Beginner Slope / Level 2
Still a piece of cake to me. The slope is just 5 meters higher than the level 1. Here, I scandalously wore my infamous wig. It was fab! The world stopped for a while and watched me with smiles while I ski down from the highest point to the bottom. It was flawless. Thanks, bitch, I didn’t fell. If that happened, it could have been funnier and embarrassing at the same time.
My First Skiing Experience / January 6, 2008
Intermediate Slope
This one is way up higher than Level 2 slope. When I reached the peak, my knees weakened and looking down was the last thing I I could do. But WTF? I was already there and whether I like it or not, I need to prove I’m not just a sissy but a brave sissy at that! LOL. Tim, my only student who has the confidence to try it with me was pale-faced when I looked at him. He said, I should go first because I’m his teacher. Duh. After reviewing and looking down at the slope for fifteen minutes, I finally pushed myself down to my waiting students who were ready to take pictures and video.
While sloping down, it was nervousness that enveloped my whole system. But the need to balance and concentrate was more important at that moment. With fixed gaze at the slope mixed with the determination to succeed, I did it flawlessly on my first try! No bum damaged.
I was excited on my second try. I fell. Felt nothing.
Excitement still overruled me on the third try. I fell again.
On the fourth try, I decided to just enjoy the feeling of sliding down–you know, feel and play it like a pro! It was awesome and that was then I told myself, “I love this sport! I do, I do, I do!”
The only thing that pissed me off in this Intermediate slope was the long queue waiting for the lift.
Advanced Slope
This is the highest part of the ski resort. Looking from below, it’s like an impossible dream for someone like me who just began learning and loving the sport. But, at three o’clock, in the afternoon, I decided to just go up there and see what’s it like. I boarded the chair lift. Moving upward was a bit scary specially looking down at the snowboarders and skiers turning upside down on their way to the bottom.
Then, seconds later, I was at the peak of all peaks. It was veeerrrrryyyyyy scary. I felt the silence of the lambs for sure. I took off my ski gadgets and came nearer to the slope where it begins. There, my heart beat faster like no other feeling I felt in years. I tried to observe some skiers on how they did it but it was scarier when most of them who tried fell off hard the trail. It was a sight you would tell yourself, “Damn, bitch! What am I doing here?” My knees were not only weakening but also shaking. Two of the skiers on my left decided to literally walk down the slope. They carried their stuff and carefully went down. I thought of following them, but, being an adventurous slut that I am, I stayed for a while and observed. I didn’t want to go sliding yet unless the slope will be cleared off from the people who stumbled down their way. I want my trail clean and clear.
When I finally gathered all my confidence, strength and poise, I held my cane so hard and with bated breath, I pushed myself slowly. But, when you are at the peak, no matter how slow you started, you will end up sliding like a megalev train. I was fine in the first 5 seconds, I guess, but when I stumbled upon an ice hump, I literally flew and landed soooo hard that it took me another ten seconds to get up. Then, I realized that I have nothing left with me. When I looked up, I saw my pair of ski and pair of ski poles 15 meters away from me. I tried to go up to reach my stuff but was helpless. It’s not easy to climb a snow slope in my ski shoes. I waited for someone to help me get and bring my stuff. Then, the resort’s professional skier came and gave me my stuff.
I tried to wear them again but I could not find my balance again. So, I literally walked 10 meters down to the middle of the advanced slope where there is a flat area to put on my gear again. When my regained my confidence, continued to slide down and it was perfect. I never had the second time. I felt my knee was wobbling already and I don’t wanna be in crane or in the wheelchair for the rest of my promiscuous life.
Once was not enough, I know. But, winter’s is still long and I still have chances to do it again. As long as there’s winter, there’s ski. Next time, I’ll try the advanced slope not once, not twice but until I finally say, “I had enough.”
Skiing is dangerous, yes, but I did try.
That alone makes me more cool and fab!
The year that was…
Tuesday, January 1st, 2008Another entry called, The Year That Was….
It’s been a fun year but not a merry-go-round kind of fun! Some days were bittersweets and some were purely acts of hedonisms.
What have I done in 2007? What the heck, what have I done, really? Seriously, I’d rather forget the year. It’s already past behind so, shouldn’t we all move on? But, of course, I’m thankful that I survived 525,600 minutes of a year’s breath.
Let me bring you down memory lane…
January
I started the year with a loud bang by attending the Yen Countdown Party with equally-fabulous friends in Beijing. Our last meal was a tasty steak at Morell’s. I went to Instituto Cervantes to study Spanish been told that classes were fully closed until July.
February
I practiced ice-skating with my students but balance is not my thing. I was too clumsy and stupid to believe I can learn the sport. Poor thing, me! I attended a pajama party where few really showed up in their pj’s. Too bad, they were all girls. Could have been cute if just one guy did it. Then, I went backpacking this month to Hongkong, Macau, Zhuhai and Shanghai. It was kinda unforgettable trip that I met and listen to the zillion, heart-wrenching stories of Pinoys in Macau. I celebrated Spring Festival there. I had sex in these trips, of course. Awesome. Different flavors.
March
This is a party month. I attended three raves: I love EU @ Tango; Sharam Deep where I braved centerstage influenced by too much alcohol; and the Yen White Party where twinkies littered around. I had my first facial in — years. Ronald and I went to Dashanzi to social climb with the artsy fartsy peps. Dinah and Allan Yang’s birthday.
April
Boring month. I went to a bazaar sale in Zhongguancun where rainbow flags were everywhere. China’s LGBT community (mostly students) went out to auction / sale something for good causes.
May
Flamboyant Aaron’s birthday. Beijing Arts Festival was explosive! Book Fair at Ditan was too crowded. Books were cheap. I saw Beijing Modern Dance Company’s performance for the first time and what can I say but—WOW! Saw Broadway Rythmn performed by the Brigham Young University students of Utah, USA. The broadway tunes, as always, were mesmerizing. I went to the Philippine Embassy and voted. I frolicked in Happy Valley Amusement Park in Beijing. Ticket was courtesy of a student whose aunt worked there. I attended Midi Festival in Haidian Park and it was a riot! Cool people and event that was. Mika and Katie finally decided to say goodbye to Beijing after three years. My students took me to the Mutianyu Great Wall. Fantastic fun! My students enjoyed the paper fashion stuff that I introduced in the class just for the heck of it. I tried bungee jumping for the first time with Nick, Max and Justin at Shidu, two hours from Beijing. It was a thrill of my life. Saw another performance at Poly Theater dubbed as Splendid Picture Scroll, a showcase of Chinese amazing gymnastics.
June
Philippine Independence Day at the Embassy. Flop. Also, this is the month that the Embassy called up its constituents for a meeting regarding Beijing PSB’s “inspection” system. Got drunk at noon on William’s birthday.
July
Visited Cuandixia, a 500-year old village outskirts of Beijing. It’s a must-see village for history buffs. Witnessed the Flag Raising Ceremony at Tiananmen Square one early morning. Backpacked to Qingdao with Max and Nick. Met up with Ronna and went out for a night of debauchery. Bade goodbye to students who have put up with me for a year. Decided not to renew contract.
August
Met up with an old friend way back 5 years ago, Fiona here in Beijing for the Beijing International Book Fair. First time in summer, a blue sky appeared on this month. Watched Mama Mia. Visited the Military Museum. One of the people who crowded at Tiananmen for the One Year To Go celebration of the 2008 Olympic Games. Attended Philippine Ball where Giselle Sanchez was one hot mama who hosted the event fairly. Pinoy Bowling Tournament At Gongti.
September
Had barbecue with my students at Sherry’s villa in the outskirt of Beijing. Attended a Couchsurfers’ meeting / party at Stef’s. Blast. The culture festival at Nanlouguxiang was awesome. China-Japan Friendship Day at Wangfujing was festive, colorful and fake! Dashanzi Arts Festival was hot.
October
Travelled to Daong, Shanxi Province with Michael. Yunggang Grottoes and the Hanging Monastery were worth visiting. Headed off to Inner Mongolia and stayed at Angela’s family. Great stuff. Great fun. Culturally-awakening. Went to Hooters for the first time. Expensive. Orange shorts? Duh, too unclassy!. I hosted my first couchsurfer: Mark (USA). Then followed by Sam (AUS), Gil (Israel) and Edward (Spain).
November
Pictorials at Kuntai Royal Hotel with Ronalda. Ron’s birthday. Julius (Sweden) couchsurfed with me.
December
Got wasted on World AIDS Day at White Rabbit. Filipino Community Xmas Party was boring. That’s Beijing Magazine Funky Throwdown Party at Block 8 was classy. Wigged with Vincent at Drum and Bell Tower. Christmas Dinner with BGLAD people at Club Camp. Wandered at Tiananmen Square, The Egg, and Forbidden for wig photos.
SO, that’s how I wasted 2007. That year was not an epiphany of something I’ve been waiting for. It was a fun year, right?
IF LIFE IS NOT FUN, WHAT’S THE POINT?
Christmas Eve Debauchery
Friday, December 28th, 2007A friend of mine wants me to post how I celebrated Christmas Eve in Beijing—in a city with 15 million nenderthals and where Christmas is but a series of colorful lights and whatevs…
DECEMBER 24
4:00 P.M.
I finished my class and hurriedly went home, afraid to be caught in Beijing’s terrible that will take forever.
5:00 P.M.
I arrived in my cramped dungeon. Changed clothes. Put on clothes for working out.
5:30 P.M.
Worked out. Glancing around for hot dudes. Saw one but with his skinny, not so ugly Chinese biatch slash fuck buddy.
7:30 P.M.
Finished work out regimen. Burned 480 calories. Took a quick shower. Next to me was a child with his wee dangling balls.
8:00 P.M.
Arrived home. Selected, checked and answered some emails. Mostly, Christmas wishes and kinky stuff.
8:30 P.M.
Took a taxi for Camp Club, a new bar at Gongti Xilu. Traffic was bad. I wondered if Chinese really celebrate Christmas.
9:10 P.M.
Finally arrived at the Camp Club.
9:30 P.M.
Everybody from our group arrived. Dinner started right away. Ten courses for RMB 140, what can you ask? We exchanged wishes, stories, toasts, wines, food, etc….. Picture here and there.
11:00 P.M.
Table was empty. Food nada. Acupuncture Records started playing cool, groovy electronic music. Little by little, everybody began to shake booties. A friend and I started to smash the dance floor with our spicy dance moves. The rest of the group and crowd followed after 20 minutes. We decorated ourselves with silver boas for the heck of it—it’s Christmas!
11:30 P.M.
Went to the bar and bought a beer. Bit pricey. The guy standing next to me asked me how much is the beer I bought. Answered him. He called the waiter and asked the same beer as mine. We waited. He introduced himself to me as Nico, Norwegian, travelling and ALONE.
I didn’t believe so I told him that if he would dance with me, I’d believe him. He gamely said, “sure. is that all you ask?” i was puzzled. the night was still young and i was not hammered yet. no hurry for flirting around.
we danced. boy, he’s one crazy dancer but cute in a way.
the crowd was wild and the music became so intense and unstoppable. we forgot the countdown to midnight. who cares? santa’s not coming, anyway.
DECEMBER 25
12:20 A.M.
Went to the toilet to release 4 glasses of red wine and three bottles of beer i imbibed. Felt relieved after that. I forgot Nico. I saw dancing with a Caucasian girl who I thought was his friend.
1:00 A.M.
Out of nowhere, Nico just appeared in front of me. I was already dizzy. Damn it. He asked what time I’d be going home. I said, I dunno. To my surprise, he offered me his hotel room. My dizziness stopped for a moment and my mangina was wetting instantly.
Me: Why would you do that?
Nico: I dunno. You seem drunk already.
Me: So, you’re really alone, huh?
Nico: You still don’t believe me, do you? I’ve danced with ya already.
Me: I dunno. Maybe, when I’ll be in your bed, I’d wholly believe you are alone.
Nico: No big deal. So, what time are we going?
Me: Hey, you know the fact that I’m gay, right?
Nico: Dude, you don’t need to tell me that. You’re so fucking obvious!
Me: Cool. So, you are, too?
Nico: I’m bi.
Me: Bi? There’s no such word.
Nico: Don’t try to bullshit me. If you want to get laid, stop it.
Me: Well, I wanna get laid. So, I’ll shut up.
We both laughed.
2:10 A.M.
We decided to get out of the venue. I bade my friends goodbye and did the customary cheek to cheek chuvaness.
2:30 A.M.
We arrived at Swiss Hotel. We held hands and kissed at the elevator. Fuck camera. When in his room, we kissed. We touched here and there. Took off our garments—and the mystery under our clothing unravelled. Kissed, passionately. Touched, eroctically. Sucked, voraciously. For 2o minutes or so. No one was cumming yet. We stopped. We were both fucking tired and wasted. We decided to continue our “session” in the morning. We ended up hugging and cuddling each other under the white, cotton quilt.
Hours later (8:00 A.M)
We continued our own little version of acrobatics. It was amazingly beautiful, rough and well-done.
10:00 A.M.
Housekeeping knocked on the door. We ignored it. We made love again. It lasted 35 minutes. He had set the clock.
11:00 A.M.
We both took a shower. Lasted 30 minutes. We bathed each other.
11:30 A.M. - We ate our brunch.
12:40 P.M. - We bade goodbye. We tightly hugged at the lobby and the hotel staff looked at us in confusion.
1:10 P.M.
Arrived home. Went back to sleep.
5:50 P.M.
Woke up. My back ached. Blame it to the unorthodox positions of “working out”.
7:00 P.M.
Went out again to meet another group of friends. for dinner at 1001 Nights, a middle-eastern resto with belly dancers to entertain its customers.
10:00 P.M.
Back home. Did some cam whoring in MSN.
11:30 P.M.
Hibernation.
Viagra Experience
Sunday, November 18th, 2007I’ve been meaning to write this three weeks ago. This is about my first ever viagra experience. I’ve already told some biatches around and they had fun listening to every words I said. Call it an elective sex class: Viagra 101.
This is how my journey to the “North and South Pole” began.
An American artist slash photographer based in New York City contacted me through a fab website telling me that he’s very horny and needed to unleash the sexual, demonic intentions he had for hot my profile—me bare naked but only the back shown. Promise, no dangling ball seen. Only the purity and curvity of my bubble butt. Ask Claudia Schiffer who’s poster serves as the backdrop.
I told him that it’s already too late (around 11:30 pm) and I gotta work the next day and besides, I was clueless where his hotel was. He was fucking persistent and began sending me naked photos of him with his birdie in full glory. Goodness, it tingled and awakened my carnal system that was so hard to control. So, off I went to meet him without realizing that he’s just nearby my place.
Right when I got inside, the amazing, heavenly foreplay began. Boy, I was so speechless the way he played his tongue all over me. He rimmed me so hard that I can’t express what the fucking feeling that was. Even the virgin cunt can’t ever explain such helluva of performance. I was floored down to the abyss of ecstasy but felt like I was in euphoria, flying amidst the Milky Way of human kindness.
Session 1 lasted for about 30 minutes. He said it was just foreplay but I did cum. After ten minutes, he started cuddling me again. His touches were so differently erotic. A smooth, quick but passionate caress gave an unexplainable sensuality of holiness. He was indeed very good in it. So good for a 38-year old hunk. Everytime his sculpted body pressed against mine, I was the most secured slut his arms ever chained.
But no mattter how he tendered me with his amazing tongue skill and no matter how my dick touched the roof of the north pole, I still could not release the next batch of my dairy product. When he was half-tired of pleasing me, he stood up and reached for a pill bottle. He handed me one green pill and told me to take it. Curious as I was, I asked him what the hell was that he straightforwardly told me that it was a viagra. I was offended a little bit at first but I had my epiphany sooner than I expected. He was civil enough never to force me taking it. What the heck? This is my chance to try and besides, viagra is expensive and now, it’s offered to me free of charge! So, I took it and waited for 15 minutes to take effect.
Twenty minutes later.
Thirty minutes later.
An hour later.
He tried to please me over and over again. Those touches of his made me feel like it the only thing worth for a suicide. A strange thing happened: I didn’t get a full erection! He gave up on me and told me that maybe, that “stuff” was not really for me.
After few minutes more of “playing,” we bade each other adieu.
The next day, right after I woke up, my “thing” was a hard as a frozen ice in the Arctic. Boy, did I hate it. Even after a hot shower, it was like a lion ready to roar! After the bath, I decided to put on my speedo swimming trunks since it fits me well and even if I had a hard hard-on, it won’t leave a bulge on my pants.
An hour after, my little “Shakespeare” bowed gracefully. But it was only for about 20 minutes. Then, it went up again for another 20 minutes. It was like that again and again in twenty minutes interval. Everytime my sneaky snake stood up, I’d take my seat in front of the class so to avoid embarrassment. It was pretty painful and crazy at the same time and I was fucking paranoid the whole day.
Then, during the last break of my class, around 3:00 - 3:10 p.m., I didn’t bear it anymore so I went to the school’s toilet and occupied one of the cubicles. It’s a relief that the toilet are well-maintained / cleaned by the janitor and the cubicles have real privacy.
I did the holy thing to do: masturbate.
It took me like 20 minutes to do the sacred litany of all the angels and demons around me. When I spurted the juice of human kindness, it was like I saw a miracle. It was a real epiphany after the prolonged ordeal I had on that day.
It was orgasmically AWESOME!
The standing soldier had calmed down like it badly needed rest.
I went back to the class and my students looked at me like I committed a crime unknown to the porn world. Then someone asked me where I was that I came in ten minutes late.
I smiled. And said, “I have a diarrhea.”
They didn’t understand. I wrote the ugly word on the whiteboard.
They raced through their electronic dictionary to find the meaning. When they figured it out, they were laughing and someone offered that I should take a medicine or see a doctor.
“I’ll be fine,” I said.
True enough. I did just fine.
Great Wall Hike 2007
Tuesday, November 6th, 2007Last Sunday, my Swedish couchsurfer, Julius and I woke up very early to catch up the 6:00 a.m. tour to the Great Wall. It’s a tour from Jinshanling to Sematai, a 10-kilometer hike through the Wall’s curvy, narrow, and dangerous steps. This is the same route my slutty friend, Ron and I took last year.
I don’t wanna tell ya everything what happened up there but let the pictures show how we really enjoyed conquering one of the new seven wonders of the world.
And oh, Julius is really hot and orgasmically delicious! It’s so painful for me to see him teasing me. My libido’s rising to the nth power.
The greatest about him is that, he has no qualms being with a fab guy like me. He’d just smile everytime my unreasonable jealousy tunes up. :))
Couchsurfers Batch 2
Sunday, November 4th, 2007I had the next wave of couchsurfers who stayed with me for a while last week.
Eduard, from Spain, is a bubbly guy who likes to drink beer and smoke—but he can’t smoke in front of me nor inside my house. I sternly warned him and said he has no problem with that. He’s the first one who got laid on my inflatable bed which he pumped up for twenty minutes. He has a lot of stories to tell. He’s so nice to cook for me before he took off. He left me a lot of eggs. :)) His chopsticks skill is extremely terrible. And oh, he’s not a frustrated musician as what he says in his profile. He’s a ROCKSTAR!
His reference for me goes like this: “Alain is funny, you alway have a good moments with him. A very good dancer and open mind person.”
Sam, is a 19-year old Aussie who taught English in a remote college in the Southeast of China. He never, never, never runs out of stories and words to say. From his travels to films and TV series, he can mimic some lines and actions that always left the listeners in laughters and giggles.
Sam says like this about me: Alain is simply fab — fun, open, full of advice all the way from traveling through beijing right through to fashion sense (and I REALLY needed help with that!) — best surfing experience ever.
Gil, is an Iraeli, who comes with Sam. They met each other at a hostel in Tibet before coming together to Beijing. She’s cool and very open-minded. She and Sam cooked some dishes for me and their two other friends before they bade goodbye to my bed.
Couchsurfing is fun. And the next couchsurfer coming is a hot Swedish guy. Stay tune for more info.
Mid-Autumn Festival
Tuesday, September 25th, 2007Ever wonder why the Moon is so divinely beautiful despite the pollution that blurs it at night?
Today is Mid-Autumn Festival in China. There are four stories behind this festivity but the most famous of all is the story about beautiful lady named Chang’er who flew to the Moon.
Excerpts:
The time of this story is around 2170 B.C. The earth once had ten suns circling over it, each took its turn to illuminate to the earth. But one day all ten suns appeared together, scorching the earth with their heat. The earth was saved by a strong and tyrannical archer Hou Yi. He succeeded in shooting down nine of the suns. One day, Hou Yi stole the elixir of life from a goddess. However his beautiful wife Chang Er drank the elixir of life in order to save the people from her husband’s tyrannical rule. After drinking it, she found herself floating and flew to the moon. Hou Yi loved his divinely beautiful wife so much, he didn’t shoot down the moon.
When I asked my students what they usually do on this day, all agreed that they’ll just watch the Moon tonight. And of course, the festival is not complete without tasting the sweet mooncakes.
My students gave this wonderful mooncakes laced in baby pink.
Excerpts:
During the Yuan dynasty (A.D.1280-1368) China was ruled by the Mongolian people. Leaders from the preceding Sung dynasty (A.D.960-1280) were unhappy at submitting to foreign rule, and set how to coordinate the rebellion without it being discovered. The leaders of the rebellion, knowing that the Moon Festival was drawing near, ordered the making of special cakes. Backed into each moon cake was a message with the outline of the attack. On the night of the Moon Festival, the rebels successfully attacked and overthrew the government. What followed was the establishment of the Ming dynasty (A.D. 1368-1644). Today, moon cakes are eaten to commemorate this legend.
So, next time you look up the Moon, don’t ever wonder why it is beautiful. Simply because there’s a Chinese lady in there.
Truth be told, America. Stop claiming you’re the first in the Moon!
A Chinese lady did go and has been living there since time immemorial. Haven’t you seen her there?
Arts Stuff: Pecha Kucha Lecture
Sunday, September 23rd, 2007Pecha Kucha is Japanese for the sound of conversation. It is a global yet non-profit discussion platform, hosting events in more than 15 cities worldwide. Specialists and creative people from various fields of work are invited to talk 6 minutes 40 seconds each, showing 20 images to explain their work.
The sole purpose: To make you wiser than you already are.
Here are some works of the artists who participated in the lecture.
Boo Yee Poon
Artist
She showed some of her work that are mostly using special ink forming different Chinese taichi.
Oak Taylor Smith
Photographer
Most photographs were taken from the streets of Beijing. It’s a kind of visual documentary of Beijing then and now.
Paul Gelinas
Set Designer
His designs are brilliant. Currently working some of the interiors of the new NBC Building.
Andy Lee for Ai Weiwei
Architect
He presented the design of a new socialist village where people are divided in two: the pros and the cons. Imagine a whole village with people who lived there for a loooonggg time and was declared by the government as illegal. Well, in China, a village is not your typical village with 500-1000 people. Go figure!
Anna Sophie Loewenberg
Filmmaker
Known as Su Fei in her Sexy Beijing show, this girl roamed around Beijing asking Chinese males if they could be her husband or can introduce someone to be her husband. Cutely funny.
Other speakers were:
Albert Lee (Graphic Designer)
Wang Yun (Web Designer)
Lin Jing (Artist)
Stephanie Tung (Graffitti Specialist)
Vincent Ng (Teacher / Director)
The Malu Fernandez Brouhaha
Saturday, September 22nd, 2007I don’t know about Malu Fernandez until two days ago when I read some of my friends blogs talking about the wrath she wrote about Overseas Filipino Workers or OFW as known at home.
Malu, is a columnist of Manila Standard Today, a national newspaper in my Third World country.
Her article, From Boracay to Greece, published in People Asia Magazine, June 2007 Issue , instigates a lot of opinions in the blogosphere attacking her article and her size.
My personal opinion might be already late but I’m so affected that I feel the need to release my venom.
In fairness, there’s so much truth about what she wrote but I don’t like the way she put it. She herself was not honest about herself.
MALU’S ARTICLE
While some readers personally attack her elephant-size bod, I don’t want to delve this entry into such. I’d like to be fair to her (I really doubt it’s possible. Hehehehe). I’m not a journalist but just a blogger. But, I’m hoping she reads this and learn some stuff from her fellow bitch.
Excerpts from her article:
Note: The ones in italics are mine.
“However I forgot that the hub was in Dubai and the majority of the OFWs (overseas Filipino workers) were stationed there.”
Do you think I or any reader would believe this sentence of yours? Come on, Malu, you are a journalist and you don’t know this? How far is Manila to Dubai that you never ever thought about this on the plane? And even a flight from Manila to Dubai has a lot of OFWs. And you’re telling us you forgot? This is such a lie. I guess, it runs in your blood / clan of politicians who you proudly mentioned in your columns.
“The duty-free shop was overrun with Filipino workers selling cell phones and perfume.”
No comment. You are just stating the fact.
“Meanwhile, I wanted to slash my wrist at the thought of being trapped in a plane with all of them.”
Wow, this is classic but this is absolutely not funny. Of course, I understand that you are trying to exaggerate the situation by using figures of speech but the insesitivity of your words doesn’t sit well with the readers. Why? Obviously because this is a remark from an elitist snob like you who forget that you still live in a Third World country. You’re not only a snob but someone who is sooooo detached from reality. Get real, Malu, even your third world vagina stinks.
“While I was on the plane (where the seats were so small I had bruises on my legs), my only consolation was the entertainment on the small flat screen in front of me.
The seats were small? If you want to be funny and tongue-in-cheek, then you should have written this way instead: The seats were too small for a fat lady like me. That could have been funny and the readers would have sympathize you. You have the nerve to bitch about the OFWs but you don’t bitch about yourself? Be fair.
“But it was busted, so I heaved a sigh, popped my sleeping pills and dozed off to the sounds of gum chewing and endless yelling of “HOY! Kumusta ka na? At taga sann ka? Domestic helper ka rin ba?” Translation: “Hey there? Where are you from? Are you a domestic helper as well?” I though I had died and God had sent me to my very own private hell.”
So, you didn’t bitch about the busted flat screen in front of you but you heard the endless yelling of your fellow Filipinos? What the…?
“On my way back, I had to bravely take the economy flight once more. This time I had already resigned myself to being trapped like a sardine in a sardine can with all these OFWs smelling of AXE and Charlie cologne while Jo Malone evaporated into thin air.”
Oh, please, Malu, just because you got an expensive cologne, you have the right to belittle those cheap ones? What’s wrong with AXE and Charlie cologne? The money they bought for these colognes are hard-earned and at least they don’t smell pretentious. You earn by just bitching whatever is around you. Honestly, Malu, this bit of info has nothing to do with your story which you intended as a travelogue. Talking about the plane service could have been of significant interest as a travel writer.
Then, some days later, Malu issued this SORT of an apology:
As I type this, I’d like you to know that it’s not about whining, complaining and bitching but just stating the facts. Just recently, I wrote a funny article in my magazine column and my friends thought it was hilarious. It was humorous and quite tongue-in-cheek, or at least I thought so, until the magazine got a few e-mails from people who didn’t get the meaning of my acerbic wit. The bottom line was just that I had offended the reader’s socioeconomic background. If any of these people actually read anything thicker then a magazine they would find it very funny.”
These words of yours made me think: Do you still have a sense of reality or at least sense of kindergarten education to know what discrimination and bigotry is? Humor, my dear, is different.
Most people don’t get the fact that they need bitches like me to shake up their world, otherwise their lives would be boring and mediocre. I obviously write for the a certain target audience and if what I write offends you, just stop reading.”
Malu, MOST people get the fact that these world needs bitches like you. I’m a bitch too so you know. But the difference between you and me is: I’m an honest bitch!
“Now I seriously ask you, am I being a diva or are people around me just lacking in common sense? Perhaps it’s a little of both!”
Who are you kiddin’?
Fierce & Fabulous is Malu’s column title.
Fierce? Yes, she is. Fabulous? No. Real fabulous people are those who never loose their poise and glam even at the worst situations (like me!). And remember, she flew economy!
TODAY, I read Malu’s real letter of apology. Complete text below:
I am humbled by the vehement and heated response provoked by my article entitled ‘From Boracay to Greece!’ which came out in the June 2007 issue of People Asia. To say that this article was not meant to malign, hurt or express prejudice against the OFWs now sounds hollow after reading through all the blogs from Filipinos all over the world. I am deeply apologetic for my insensitivity and the offensive manner in which this article was written, I hear you all and I am properly rebuked. It was truly not my intention to malign hurt or express prejudice against OFWs.
As the recent recipient and target of death threats, hate blogs, and deeply personal insults, I now truly understand the insidiousness of discrimination and prejudice disguised as humor. Our society is bound together by human chains of kindness and decency. I have failed to observe this and I am now reaping the consequences of my actions. It is my fervent hope that the lessons that Ive learned are not lost on all those who through anonymous blogs, engaged in bigotry, discrimination, and hatred (against overweight individuals , for example)
I take full responsibility for my actions and my friends and family have nothing to do with this. To date I have submitted my resignation letters to both the Manila Standard and People Asia, on that note may this matter be laid to rest.
If this is really from her, I think she’s sincere and being an OFW myself, I’d say: apology accepted.
Personally, she doesn’t need to resign really. Just like what she said, this world needs a bitch like her—but who knows the difference between what bigotry and humor is. A humble, sincere apology is enough for me.
You see, I’m a forgiving bitch to a fellow bitch! 
Just. Don’t. Ever. Do. It. Again.
Pooohhhh….
Friday, August 10th, 2007In one of the commercial streets in Beijing, this mom did the unbelievable “stunt.”
Chinglish of the Day
Friday, July 20th, 2007
Happy Bar Clean Your Body Massage Beer. Change Money.
Seamen’s Club Telephone Haircut Guan Xian Road
Qingdao: Day 2
Sunday, July 15th, 2007I slept at 2:30 this morning trying to resize the pictures and woke up at 7:30. Five hours of sleep is not enough for a sexless me in the past three days. I have two homo contacts here in Qingdao but I still haven’t called them. My two boys are always with me anywhere I go and even if I’ll be gone for 5 minutes in our dorm-style room, they’ll ring me up and ask where the hell I am. I’m so heavily guarded by these two and there mothers are calling them three times everyday which they really don’t appreciate.
Anyway, the theme of today’s itinerary is Water. Obviously, that includes the beach, the ocean and the rest of the creatures in these places.
And oh, this is our first transport of the day, a tri-car (if there is such word)!
First stop was the UNDERGROUND WATERWORLD
Ticket is sort of astronomical. A hundred yuan is a price unfriendly for an ordinary Chinese citizen. That’s according to my students when I asked them after their close encounter with the aquariumed the sea creatures. Both of them agreed that though it’s worth visiting, it’s not worth paying for a hundred kuai.
Ok. Before I’ll bring you to ground down under, here’s a pix of me in a bold pose.
As soon as you enter the small gate for ticket inspection, a tourist will be led to a marine museum where all kinds of sea creatures are carefully preserved in frames, bottles and wall glasses. There were also ginormous replicas of whales, penguins, sharks, sea lions, turtles, etc…
Down under is actually a tunnel in tube-like huge aquariums where marine creatures are diverse but are divided according to their species or marine order. Of course, they can’t mix the sharks with the school of goldfish, right?
And while you pass these tubular glass pipes, cameras flash here and the noisy of excited children and adults are but unavoidable. It’s so big deal for these young human creatures and their appreciation is just so pure and their joy is really infectious.
At the end of the glass tunnel, tourists will be awed at the wonderfully created standing circular glass tube which they claimed as the “World’s Biggest Single Acrylic Water Column” that stands 7.6 x 5 meters that contains the world’s most colorful reef and fish. It’s a beauty no less.
On the other side of the same room where the “column” proudly stands tall, is an ampitheater-like area where people sit in front of the aquarium and some Chinese marine biologist explain this and that to the attentive audience.
As usual, exits in every tourist spots in China are small shops that sells what the place is known for. As in this case, a lot of marine plastic toys, key holders, dried fish (and other sea-related products), shells, mugs, t-shirts, etc….
Yes, you’re right! These stuff are exhorbitantly priced.
BEACH NO.1
This beach is Qingdao’s most famous. As what my students heard from the nearby tourist guide, this yellow-sand beach is Asia’s famous.
Duh. Let’s give the Qingdaoers the benefit of the doubt. It’s crowded in most days and some people here stay from sunup to sundown. Wearing your thong or bikini is a must here. Show off whatever body size you have. No one really cares. But, today, I’ve seen no one who is a head turner. Really.
Max, who is his first time to touch and taste sea water excitedly swam like a child into the open sea. To document this momentous event of his life, I volunteered to be the abled photographer. He’s very amusing to watch.
The beach is open to both tourists and locals. Expect, of course, souvenirs handcrafted and molded from the sea’s stuff. Stalls selling these stuff are ubiquitous. Pay only 10 -15% of the original price. That’s what we did and it worked.
And most of all, NEVER, NEVER, eat in any restaurants you can find here. Aside from bad food and costly, it’s also bad service. Bad, as in horrible!
POLAR OCEAN WORLD
This is my fave part of the day. Watching the talented dolphins, sea lions and seals do their stuff is such an amazing feat to see. Every child, teenager, adult and oldie will be entertained. It’s very heartwarming to see how sea animals and humans work together to achieve something that both pleases them and the audience.
To hell with those who say that these animals should be given back to the sea where they rightfully belong. Shut up, you people. Lecture me not.
Shopping at Jimmo Lu
This is the city’s version of Yashow Market or Silk Market in Beijing. It’s here wehere you find imitations of different designer stuff. We were so disappointed at what we saw there. My advise is, get lost in the streets and you can find some real items you don’t expect they exist.
Nightlife
Just a while ago, we went to bar called Corner Jazz Club. Based on my internet research, this club is frequented by foreigners on weekends. But, diva George Michael, oh, please, the bar is half-empty with Chinese yuppies playing cards and rolling dices on the table while sipping a little on their almost empty bottles and glasses. It’s already 11:30 p.m. and the bar is dead?
What the….?
The dance floor was waiting to be scrubbed and the cool DJ playing was the only one gyrating to his own music.
We went outside to visit the nearby bars. We visited three more and they’re all waiting for patrons to come. The streets are dead. As in quite. Calm. Peaceful. Holy night.
Gosh, it’s Friday night and where the hell are the partygoers?
thoughts i want to blog
Tuesday, July 10th, 2007To Thailand
I can’t go to Thailand this summer. My two weeks of internet, sleepless research about the country is put in vain. I already produced 8 pages of my itinerary which mostly are, whate else, but gay rendezvous and stuff. Now, I’m emailing again all the men and hotels I’ve contacted and tell them the inconvenient truth.
I’ve saved enough for this trip but the goddess of faggotry, whoever you are, conspired with her stupid cows to stop me from going. Or maybe, I’m destined to be always a loser. Hu hu hu hu hu…..
The reason of the trip cancellation is my visa status here. I need to renew it before July 17 but the earliest possible time the Public Security Bureau (PSB) in Beijing could give me back my passport with the new visa will be on the 24th—-which is too late. I’ll start working in my new school on the 1st of August.
I suspect that the delay of issuance has something to do with being a green passport holder. I told you in my previous entry that the PSB is getting stricter with Filipinos. The good ones who came here legally are now part of the problem as the PSB sees it.
So what I’m gonna do for the remaining days of the month? I gotta do something. I just gotta go somewhere.
You’ll know. And expect a detailed travelogue.
Great Wall Beach Party
I woke up again to the the sound of my mobile ringing. Unlike the other day, the other end of the line was from an german friend who asked me if i’m interested to go to the Great Wall Beach Party this Saturday at the Great Wall itself. There was a party like this two years ago but was stopped last year due to littering issues and “preserving the cultural relics” arguments and discussions on TV, radios and newspapers. Not to mention the blogging community.
I told him that it would be fun to spread faggotry once again at The Wall but I’ve got other plans. So, probably this year, the Yen, the sponsoring group must have found a new area where they can bastardize the newly-declared new 7 wonders of the world.
As to where exactly is it, no one knows. The organizers didn’t put such detail in the newspapers and magazines this month.
For 200 RMB, you will be part of the history of 2007’s Party of the Year!
Blue Sky today
I finally got a glimpse of blue sky today since the stat of summer. So excited that I went out and toook photos of it. Though it’s not all blue (at the far distance is covered with dark clouds/smog), it’s still a joy to see it.
I hope it’s gonna be like this ’till the end of summer.
sex drought and the new 7 wonders
Sunday, July 8th, 2007I have somethin’ to confess—
I never had sex for 7 days and a half. I’m shy to admit it knowing whatta promiscuous slut I am to your eyes. It’s been my first that I never had sex this long and amazingly, I was not complaining. I was not even looking for it nor wishing or thinking about calling one of my fuck buddies. Alright, I “played with myself” on Wednesday night. That was it.
I’ve been busy lately performing my duties and responsibilities like a responsible mentor for the betterment of this huge country who has the ambition to be the next superpower. Bush, are ya listening?
That explains my sex drought.
This morning, I woke up to the sound of my mobile phone ringing. I planned not to answer it but the caller seemed to know that I’m just there ignoring him. What appeared on the phone was a private number so I was thinking it must be a long distance call. Probably, a family member who needs, what else, but money.
The conversation went this way:
Me: Wei.
Him: Hello. Did I wake you up? Sorry, betch. I just wanna let you know I’m in town.
Me: And who the hell the are you?
Him: Well, I’m just the guy who you rated as the second most incredible in bed.
Me: Holy, shit! J—-, is that you? It’s been a long time since…
Him: Yes, I know. You wanna meet up this afternoon? I’m so kind of horny now but I can wait until this afternoon. I want you to go on sleeping so all your muscles would respond to our …..
Me: Shut up. You don’t need to say that, buttboy!
Him: Gosh, I can’t believe you just called me buttboy!
Me: Whatever. Tell me where you are.
Him: Same hotel and luckily, same room number?
Me: What made you think I do still remember the room number? So, you called me because the room number reminds me you of me?
Him: Nope. I’ve been meaning to keep in touch with ya, really. I miss your scandalous moans.
Me: Hahahaha… look, who’s talking. Don’t say that. I have class. You don’t.
Him: That’s what I like about ya. Hehehehe…
Me: Alright, the room number, please? I’ll be back to dreamland.
Him: Room 609.
Me: I’ll see ya.
Him: I’ll be waitin’. See ya.
Me: Bye.
I visited him at his hotel this afternoon and we had three rounds in less than two hours. We almost broke the table lamp shade. His position when it comes to incredible sex (with all the men I had before) still remains at number 2. What makes it different this time is his willingness to go extreme.
I’ll give you no details. Your heart might might palpitate faster or your organs might be a bit achy and itchy that will lead you to do something unbiblical.
NEW 7 WONDERS
The world has decided.
The new seven wonders of the world were announced yesterday, an auspicious date: 7-7-07, in Lisbon, Portugal.
Of the seven winners, I only guessed three (Taj Mahal in India, Great Wall of China and Chichén Itzá in Mexico.) The exclusion of the Pyramids of Egypt is such a great loss and dismay for me. I expected it to be number 1.
Now, it’s time to update and clean the cobwebs of our mind and introduce yourself to the world’s new 7 great wonders.
Here are the big winners. Meet them…..
Chichén Itzá, Mexico Christ Redeemer, Brazil The Great Wall of China
Macchu Pichu, Peru Petra, Jordan The Roman Colloseum, Italy
Taj Mahal, India
Of shirt and dream car
Saturday, July 7th, 2007I went back to school yesterday to get and check the final exam papers. It’s a good thing that the exam is mostly multiple choice so checking was no problem at all. Though, the last part was an essay type, it’s always easy to mark if you know your students very well. The bright ones get higher points than the dopeys. It’s always the case.
While submerging myself to the test papers, young sweethearts came knocking on the door and proudly announced they have some surprise for me. In China, this is another name for guessing game. So, I gave them my three guesses and none were right. Loser.
The girl took out something from her bag and viola—
Isn’t sweet? Since I started calling the young guy Sexy, everyone in school started calling him with such name. I suspect, that the girl is in love of his sexiness rather than the bearable lightness of his being. :))
I went back to checking the test papers when they left. I found this essay:
It’s touching not because she’s include me but because this girl never gave up. I remember that on the first day of the class, she didn’t even know how to say, “What’s your name.” All she knew was: “Hello-How-are-you-I’m-fine-thank-you-How-about-you?” He could not even spell her own English name and look at her now.
I know it’s painful to read her essay with all the errors, but, what the heck, she’s determined to go to London and study her MBA. Asked if that’s what she wants, she coyly answered me, “No. It’s my parents dream. They said they’ll buy me my own dream car if I can finish my MBA.”
Dude, she’ll get her car.
Wednesday, July 4th, 2007
Chinese students have this way of making foreign teachers guilty about their decision of moving out in search of greener pasture.
Today is my last class with them and the next two days will be spent for final oral and written exams. Though they asked me to make the final exam easy, I don’t have the final say—it’s the school who made it and i didn’t even see it. But, even if i was asked to make such, i still can’t assure them it’s gonna be easy. They don’t know me as someone who gives easy passport to their future. :0
B3 CLASS
They were so quite when i delivered them my four-sentence farewell speech tha went like this:
“It’s been a whole lot of fun with you and you all have fun with me. It’s been nice to meet ya and I hope to see ya again someday. You will never remember my lessons all the time but you’ll remember what we’ve done together to make you learn. To all of you, I say, farewell…”
Silence. Smiles. More smiles. More smiles.
Then, one finally broke the silence by asking the forbidden question, “Are you getting married?”
The class rolled in laughter and I can’t help but answer him with a smile and said, “I’ll let you know…”
B4 CLASS
As soon as came to the class, everybody was excitedly telling me that they have a surprise—but first, they want me to do a monkey dance. Hahahahaha…..
Of course, I declined.
They wanted me to sing a song, but of course, I’m no Elton John, so, still, I declined. Their pleadings all went in vain.
Then, their class leader went up to my table and gave me a small, hard package. She made a brief speech by saying, “This is from all of us and we thank you for everything.”
I asked them if I could open it and they all said yes. Chinese don’t open gifts in front of someone who gives it.
When I finally removed the wrapper, a fancy shiny box of Dove chocolate teased me, “Taste me, taste me, taste me now.” My students know my weakness for chocolates. In fact, it’s almost everyday that they gave me a piece of dark or milk chocolate.
Then, someone joked, “Oh, don’t be happy yet, it’s just an empty box.”
That was one real joke that made everyone cracked up. :))
Then, I proceeded to my last lesson. They were very attentive. Not because it’s my last day but because I told them, it might be included in the final exam.
Five minutes before the time, I repeated my short speech. Two girls were crying even before I could finish my last sentence. I asked them why and one said, “We will all miss you.”
Gosh, I felt like I was dying or something.
“What would you miss about me?”, I asked.
A boy answered, “Your homework everyday.”
Everybody giggled but they all agreed.
Then, one stood up. He gave me an applause.
Others followed and I realized they’re giving me a standing ovation.
In my usual gay self, I gave them an arabesque.
And all the way out, they applauded me.
Things like that are diamonds to me.
Where’s the blue sky
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007We’re almost in the middle of summer and honestly—–I have yet to see a blue sky in Beijing. It’s all been smog since the start of summer heat. Last week, we had 39C but a clear sky was nowhere in sight—not even an immaculate-cotton cloud. It’s freakin’ hot and boy, I took a bath three times on that day.
Last week, too, I had the most unbelievable weather experience in my whole life. I’m used to storms and typhoons but last week’s weather phenomenon was different.
My foreign colleague and I were busy making our unit exams in the faculty office around noon (it was 36C outside) when suddenly it turned dark and the whole campus was covered with thick smog and we thought there was going to be a lightning and thunderstorm—–none but only a sprinkle of rain. Darkness continued until late afternoon. The nimbus cloud hanged up there but seemed hesitant to drop it’s heavy weight. I went home like it’s winter afternoon minus the coldness, of course.
Beijing is getting invisible, no doubt.
Sixteen of the world’s 20 dirtiest cities dwell in China. Polluted particles in Beijing are 50 percent worse than Los Angeles.
News flash: Sixteen of the top 20 dirtiest cities in the world are in china. Linfen, in Shanxi province got the “most coveted” title.
New Gay Terms You Should Know (Just in Case You Bump Into Them Next Time)
Monday, July 2nd, 2007Here’s some new gay terms:
Fauxmos: Straight guys who act gayer than Kylie on a Mardi Gras float. It’s easy to spot a fauxmo in their natural environment; the fringe is perfectly coiffed, they’ve spent more money on their outfits than anyone else in the club and they cleverly court the attention of both sexes. Just watch out though, fauxmos may like a bit of flirting but there is a definite faux in their mo.
Heteroflexible: Guys who swing both ways. After all, a hole is a hole, right? A heteroflexible’s hero is Fall Out Boy’s lead singer Pete Wentz, who told Blender magazine that he likes making out with boys just as much as girls. “Anybody above the waist is fair game.” But as Lisa Kudrow put it in The Opposite of Sex, “just because you’ve been to a bar mitzvah once, doesn’t make you Jewish.”
Obeast: Also known as an girlilla. You don’t want to run into of these in a dark alley on a stormy night. Large, slow-moving and with hair sprouting out of every orifice (yes, we mean every), throw the wrong glance at a lesbian obeast at a bar and you can kiss goodbye ever reaching your next birthday.
Gayhound: A guy that excels at the art of sniffing out other gay guys. Is it in the eyes? The handshake? The mythical sixth sense? Whatever it is, some people profess to be able to pick up the scent of another gay or lesbian like a sniffer dog rummaging through the crowd at a dance party. We’ve all got a bit of a gayhound in us, the art is learning how to refine it so you don’t accidentally pick out a fauxmo. A heteroflexible will do just fine.
Bromance: When two straight guys do date-like activities together. Hanging out and going to the movies, eating out at restaurants and shopping for clothes together are perfect examples of two guys who are having a bromance with each other. There’s a huge amount of unspoken admiration going on here. But it’s kept above board, right fellas?
Girlfew: A curfew imposed by your lesbian girlfriend on exactly when you have to be home while they stay in and mind the cats.
Webutation: Your online reputation. Word travels quickly online, especially if your life involves sitting on internet dating sites all night trawling through profiles like supermarket aisles. It doesn’t take long before your profile name, and your picture, gathers a webutation. Remember, page impressions last in the online world.
Mangina: Um, well, how do we put this one delicately? Take the words man and vagina and use your imagination.
Fagabond: An unsettled gay man who moves around a lot, never quite staying in one place for too long. Aussie fagabonds are often found in London or Europe, killing a few years on the party scene as an excuse to putting off thinking about what they’re going to do with their life. They live a hobo existence (note the difference from homo) and travel from hotel to bar to club, never quite feeling like they’re settled.
Guyliner: Eyeliner for boys worn by fauxmos, emos, twinks and goth boys who haven’t yet received the memo that emo is the new goth.
Dykon: Lesbian icons are suddenly back in the news again in Australia after Pink’s record-breaking concert series. Complete with suited up female dancers, girl-on-girl action and bondage scenes a-plenty, she proved that the Pink dollar flows just as freely from the girls as it does from the boys.
Embassy Meeting
Wednesday, June 27th, 2007yesterday evenin’, the philippine embassy here called for a meeting regarding the latest developments about some filipinos being detained by the beijing police security bureau (psb) for reasons which i hate to say—illegal chuvaness.
most problems presented were passport-related and I, yes, ME, opened up about the illegal recruitment problems. I have no personal grudges against these recruiters but i hate it when despite of the illegality, the embassy can’t do anything about it but only say, “pag-usapan nyo na lang yan, pareho naman tayong my pilipino.”
they said that what they could do is report the case to POEA which i’m sure would take eons of eternity. i quote verbatim from them: “the embassy has no right to investigate.”
yeah, whatever.
as i see it, the meeting was called due to the illegal doings of these devil-recruiters who knows nothing but wiping their own ass with their own fingers and lick it good.
had it not been of the huge numbers of jobless, illegal pinoy aliens in this city, the police bureau could have been lenient with our case.
since july 17, a series of house inspections were conducted in different areas where most pinoys live (yes, including my area) and passports were taken from these brown creatures and were told to get it seven days after, but, hell, it’s been ten days and nobody has the nerve to take it for fear of further investigation, fines and whateves.
the biggest problem among the filipinos here is the issuance of visa. it seems that china has enough of the tactics of the filipinos who come to this country on L (tourist) visa and change it here to F (business) visa. and almost all of these F visa holders are working , which of course, according to chinese law, is ILLEGAL.
i should know because i was detained by chaoyang police district around this time last year for two hours interview and later fined to the tune of certain amount of yuan. i’ve leaned my lessons. right after that incident, i told my employer that i wanted Z (working) visa.
at least, when you see me pimping and prostituting myself around sanlitun bar district, i have docus to show.
most of my fellow mud-colored brothers and sisters got their visa from an agent who got their visa issued by nearby provinces, which, of course has no jurisdiction over beijing ren who live and work here. clear as a blue sky, it is illogical and illegal to do that. but since, poor pinoys have to earn to pay for debts and fed mouths back home, yes na lang.
and these same aliens are the ones marring not only the names of those who came here legally but also the whole country. this is the finest and classic example of deeply-rooted pinoy culture: crab mentality.
china and the philippines have no labor agreement as what the embassy said. china’s huge labor force could be the main reason why this country doesn’t want to open up labor agreements with its neighboring southeast asian countries.
and while this agreement is still to be seen and waited in a distant, unknown future, the saga of filipino odyssey in beijing continues……
My Photo: Darika Award Winner
Monday, June 18th, 2007The photo which I submitted for a photo contest won the Darika Award for the gayest photo entered. The judges dubbed it as “Wig on the Wall.” The same photo also placed Runner Up for over-all judging out of almost 350 photos submitted.
I already blogged about this here which I perfectly entitled as “Spreading Faggotry at the Great Wall.” The photo was photographed by Ron, a slutty friend, who transfered to Qatar from China in search of a “bigger”, “spicy” and “sandy” rod. Whateves.
I still have to figure out the prize if ever there is. But, I’m hoping I gonna get a smooth, tan Thai man with six-pack abs.
(You can also read this entry with links to the photos @ http://alainsojourner.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/ . This blog, livejournal, is currently blocked in China so I’m using a proxy server)
Independence Day in Beijing
Monday, June 18th, 2007The bitch in me
I admit, I’m not happy with the kind of celebration the Philippine Embassy in Beijing had in mind to celebrate the 109th Anniversary of the Proclamation of Philippine Independence.
And I reckon, due to budgetary anemia (always happens after the election), the honorable office jointly celebrates the 32nd Anniversary of the Establishment of Diplomatic Relations between the Philippines and the People’s Republic of China.
Third world style, I’m immuned.
To “celebrate”, for weird (and unknown) reason, the Embassy invited the world-renowed Bayanihan National Folk Dance Company. Not that I don’t like it but, hello, I have so much of Filipino folk and cultural dances in my dead brain.
And what were they thinking? They only allow 200 creatures on the venue. To be one of those, you need to call the Embassy for ticket reservations. I swear to Mao, I was one of the earliest peps who called. I was planning to bring a student of mine who wanted to study to the Philippines so I asked for two tickets but I was told that “no foreigners” are to be invited.
Reason: the venue can only accomodate 200 humanoids.
We all know that the reason is bullshit, right? It’s loud and clear, the Embassy don’t give a damn thing to promote the country it represents. This event could have been a really good avenue to foster cultural understanding and appreciation between two countries. They invited the Bayanihan, the country’s premier folk dance company only to be appreciated and seen by Filipinos? What the….?
What angered me most is that when I went inside the venue and saw few foreigners who have no problem coming inside. I controlled the bitch in me and my blood boiled up from the soft edge of my anus to the tiny particles of my hair follicles. I wanna complain to the unfairness of the situation which I don’t deserve but whatta heck, I don’t wanna stoop to their level. I’m sooooo afraid of growing more wrinkles.
THE SHOW
Filipinos are known for its “pwede na” attitude. It’s an attitude that doesn’t celebrate and uplift the creativity of our race. I could blatantly say that the show is mostly crap. It was like a show pulled out from a purok fiesta presentation.
Except, of course, the Bayanihan dancers’ performance. I’d give them 8 out of 10.
Most of the things that annoy me is the technical aspect of the show. It’s sooooooo dragging and I wanna kill and smash to pieces whoever is the “Artistic Director” of the show. Whoever he is, I’d say, “You are the most unartistic director the planet has ever known. So, get lost.”
If ever there’s no “Director”, that’s what I call, stupidity. The people behind it must have thought, we, the audience, deserve only a show, nothing more, nothing less. Afterall, we are only a bunch of OFW.
And honestly, I could have volunteered myself to be the Director. I’m not the best-trained bloke in performing arts but I do have an eye for such. At least, I could have lessened the poor technical aspect of the show, which make the whole event “a waste of money and time.”
And most of all how much did they pay for the venue and the performers, who they flew in from the Philippines, to perform in less than 80 minutes (minus the speeches and the intervals)?
I have no problem the Embassy spending moolah as long as they know the rationale of having such event. They seem clueless. They should have done it in a bigger venue and invited more people from all walks of life and races because their main job, before everything else, is to promote the country and foster bilateral (or multilateral?) ties.
If the purpose of such event is just to have something to report on the Embassy’s Annual Report, then, pwede na attitude is still not acceptable.
It is NOT, I repeat, NOT a good excuse and I don’t wanna take it as a valid reason. It is but a shame, how some people are near-sighted.
bits and pieces of my fucked up life
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007INDEPENDENCE DAY
today is the philippine’s independence day. the embassy here chooses to celebrate this saturday with the bayanihan dancers who they invited for the celebration. nah, it’s gonna be dance, dance, dance and dance—from appari to jolo. whatever.
BIRTHDAY
and today, too, is my sister’s birthday. i called my mom yesterday and she gave me a sad news: my sister and her husband are on the brink of breaking up. i don’t wanna meddle into their marital affair but i alreay told mom that whatever happened, the children should stay with my sister. and if the husband would say, “no”, that’s the time i’ll come into the picture.
NEW JOB SOON
last week, i told my current employer that i’m not gonna be renewing my contract with them. when i asked them of my release letter needed for my visa renewal, all they could say was, “the school is sad that we lose one of the best foreign teachers we have.” i hope they’re not the same words they said to those who ask for such. i’d like to believe.
i’ll be moving to a new school beginning august. after my contract in my current employer comes july 17, i’m thinking of travelling. no idea as of this writing. i’m still counting how much money i can afford to spend. donations are accepted.
DEVIRGINIZED STUDENT
N called me last night that he had just finished having sex with a girl she “little like.” it’s his first time at 19. and he’s freakin’ happy that today, he showed up in the class proudly wearing two kissmarks on his neck. that girl really knows how to bite, huh?
boy, he was so proud! when his classmates asked what happened, he lied, of course.
COSMO
beijing has a new gay bar named cosmo. it opened last saturday and of course, i attended—only to be sooooo disappointed. gosh, the place was like a ghetto and filthy. the interior’s still unfinished and the whole area felt like hell. it’s not really a big venue to spread faggotry and dance like a queen but nice try though. this is supposed to be beijing’s 2nd ‘out’ gay bar but i don’t think it’ll click unless they decorate it much better than the one and only much-talked about Destination. in fairness, cosmo’s music is much better and gayer than Destination.
SEX IN THE BATH TUB
beware. sex in the bah tub is the most tiring of all sexcapades i’ve been into. even if it will happen in one of beijing’s 5-star hotel, it still is tiring and orgasm takes longer than the natural bed positions. i can’t imagine really how much calories i burned in those unorthodox positions. it’s not my first time and i’ll do it over and over again.
Monday, June 4th, 2007
it must have been my cawalk that instantly caught the attention of a fat gay guy at holiday inn hotel this afternoon. after buying the june issue of reader’s digest from the hotel’s business center, i proceeded to starbucks for, what else, a cup of espresso.
the cafe was filled with aging population and a table is impossible so i just went into watson’s to buy some toiletries.
while browsing through shower bath foams, i literally bumped into this guy. he smiled and without wasting time, he winked and flashed his dark yellow (darker than mine ;)) teeth. he said hi and it took me several seconds before i responded.
twenty minutes later, armed with the infamous watson’s dark green bag, i left the shop. he’s nowehere in sight.
nature called so i have to find the nearest water closet. on my way, a biatch friend called to cancel the dinner tomorrow.
once inside the “the room of thousand flowers”, i chose the cubicle at the far end so one could see my mangina. just as i was about to release pee, he appeared and occupied the cubicle closest to me. i swear to mao, he was watching my mangina the whole time and eroticism crawls into me fast that i decided to give him the best view of my meat. i wagged it many times until i heard him heaved a deep, deep sigh.
when my “porn show” was over, i went to the sink and washed. he followed.
my third eye knew tha he’s staring at me in the mirror but i hadn’t the nerve to just even glance the reflector.
then, i heard him say without battling an eyelash, “are you gay? i’m for hire. i’m very good to suck. 100 dollars only.”
oh my elton john, i was soooooo godamn speechless. tongue-tied. buttoned-up. tight-lipped. dumbfounded. thunderstruck.
all i could give was a blank stare and silence. he must have thought that i’m gonna punch him or thought i’m a closet queen or worst, thought i’m straight.
he left there in a fleeting second still dunno what to say. he didn’t wait for my answer anymore.
i could have said, “100 dollars is too expensive for a fat ass. get a lipo, dude!”
firedance
Thursday, May 31st, 2007
attended another party—send-off party for les couple who are going back to City of Angels. it was a blast and fun. they rafflled off all the things they couldn’t bring home and i got the dartboard and a hello-kitty stuff toy.
and in the middle of the party, a russian girl strutted her firedancing skills on stage and the excitement was held off for a moment.
what’s with chinese bars all over china? from all my travels — north to south, east to west, they’ve got some kind of weird entertainment by ladies in skimpy shorts. gosh, i’ve seen so much awkward women-pole dancers and skinny guys showing off their bones and dirty navels. They gyrate wildly, mostly bang their heads as if they’re into some kind of unexplainable ecstasy or just plain crazy dance. The the worst part is, they’re into absurd, outlandish, glittery fashion that would almost let you think you are watching “Joseph the Dreamer” musicals. good gawd, this one in the photo is not one of those showgirls with fully-sequined fashion.
i’d rather perform the chicken dance or the ever-famous macarena.
*sigh*
paper fashion
Saturday, May 26th, 2007last week, out of boredom and lack of better idea, i decided to squeeze the creative juices of my students by letting them create a fashion statement out of paper trash. the activity actually coincides with our lesson about jobs that require creativity and i decided to spend two hours for such artsy-fartsy etching.
i demanded that they only speak in english, which of course made them quite and nobody wanted to start. a word of chinese means marking an x on their forehead. they eventually opened their mouth and the room was filled with insane patients gone amok, laughing at their own mistakes. it was fun. but after 45 minutes, they were tired and went back to speaking chinese. i didn’t care anymore. my objective is done.
after finishing their obra maestra, the models catlwalked on a bare floor with such gusto and wackiness. then, the group leaders described their design in front of the class. i encouraged the audience to ask questions about the design presented.
the presentation was refreshing to me. it’s amazing that all their designs, except for the last samurai costume, contain chinese cultural implications (from the head dress to footwear) that i haven’t known before.
i sat there amazed … and well, mesmerized…..